I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
