I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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