**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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