3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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