My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
