Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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