I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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