highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
