Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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