dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
