I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
