I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
