1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
