I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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