So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
