he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
