Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
