I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
