I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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