Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
