ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
is it fun? or sober?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
