so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize