dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
