No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize