can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
