As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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