I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Ladies don't puke and tell
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
