I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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