I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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