the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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