after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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