yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
