my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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