Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
