Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
