i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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