please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
