I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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