Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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