you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
