It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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