Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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