Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
