Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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