She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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