Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
