I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
