I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize