the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
