you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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