i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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