matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
