i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
