alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize