Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize