I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
