my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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