I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize