im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize