I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
