piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
