You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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