FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
