he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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