i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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