this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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