Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
