I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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